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I read an article the other day online “Nine Signs It’s Time To Get A Divorce”. This is apt considering Blue Monday/Divorce Monday has passed and we have survived into February but this is one of the busiest times of year for divorce and therefore family lawyers.
No divorce is the same. Every couple has different reasons for their breakups. So what are the main reasons for divorce? All too often, at least one of these reasons is mentioned, particularly when one spouse relies on the fact of unreasonable behaviour: –
1. There is no communication between the parties. There is a feeling that being in the same house is like a prison sentence and the parties are living separate lives.
2. If one party wants to make it work and the other doesn’t and is not interested in a future, it will be impossible to attend couples therapies such as Relate and be committed to making it work. A divorce is inevitable down the line.
3. Future aspirations change for example if one party changes their mind on not wanting children or one party suddenly wishes to emigrate abroad, these types of decisions can throw stress on a parties’ relationship.
4. One party not being aware of the others financial resources. This can often happen when one party places the other in debt affecting their credit rating. Joint accounts can lead to risk, especially if one party has secrets and leads a second life such as gambling, alcohol, drugs or shopping addictions.
5. If one party is stressed or nervous in the presence of their partner. This may make the one party feel ill maybe because their partner has a temper and they feel like they are walking on egg shells or there may be issues of domestic violence of one party against the other whereby one party just needs an exit strategy to leave their spouse.
6. The deal breaker between the parties has been broken. More often or not this is frequently that one party has had an affair and the other cannot forgive or it can just be long term addiction such as drugs and alcoholism which affects the couples lives indefinitely.
7. One party’s contempt for their partner. This could include swearing at their partner, cold body language, rolling their eyes, sarcasm and put downs in each other’s presence. If there are children of the marriage this can seriously affect them as well and a divorce should be considered to end the atmosphere for everybody.
8. If one party is being manipulated. This can frequently include whether feelings and emotions are minimalised, and more often or not they are regularly questioned to excess and often told that memories or events are false. This can lead the victim to feel like they are going crazy and it is a difficult cycle to break as it normally takes the victim a long time to realise that they are being manipulated. The term used for this is ‘gaslighting’ and the perpetrator uses it to gain power over their partner.
9. Serial cheaters. The issue here is that the party who serially cheats shows no empathy for their partner and the parties are in a vicious cycle of breaking up and getting back together because they are drawn to one another. Eventually one party considers a divorce because it is far too painful to allow the other to hurt them again.
If you would like confidential information on divorce proceedings, please do not hesitate to contact our offices for a free initial consultation.
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